Falling asleep with your partner is one of the simple pleasures of life. It’s not just about being close to a loved one; it’s also about comfort, feeling safe, and feeling at home. I quickly realized this after my partner had traveled to another country because of his job. After a few sleepless nights I began to realize, I can’t sleep without my partner, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
If you’re like me and you’ve ever been in this situation, I’m here to tell you there are a few practical solutions you can use. But first, you have to determine the true reason for your inability to sleep, and if it’s related to missing your partner, or something else entirely.
Are you possibly losing sleep thinking of someone? Did you have a bad day at work? Are you dreaming so much that some of the dreams are nightmares? Perhaps you just can’t sleep without the TV on?
Let’s explore why I couldn’t sleep without my partner and some steps I took to curb it.
There are several reasons you can’t sleep without your partner, some of which are expected, and some might come as a bit of a surprise. Let’s explore a few of them in this section.
My daily routine plays a big part in how my night goes and the quality of my sleep. I had formed a habit of preparing for bed with my partner and going to bed together.
It was tough when I realized I couldn’t sleep without my partner in bed. Similarly, if you were used to sleeping with the same pillow every night, you would find it hard to go a night without it.
Studies have associated loneliness with sleep problems. So, when the absence of your partner is accompanied by the feeling of loneliness, sleeping alone becomes difficult.
It is also possible that you can’t sleep without your partner because you don’t feel safe without them. It can be a security issue because of your physical environment.
You may feel unsafe being alone, and the absence of a sense of security can lead to anxiety and panic, disrupting your body from mentally preparing for sleep.
In the most extreme cases of fear and insecurity, you might have somniphobia, which is a fear of sleeping. It may sound excessive, but installing a security system in your home can help you to feel more secure. Anyone in this situation should absolutely consider all options.
Cuddling and falling asleep with my partner is one of the most relaxing feelings I experience and look forward to. Sleeping next to a loved one is a great way to build a healthy relationship, relax, and improve sleep quality.
Having these yanked away from you because of the absence of your partner can be devastating. Since you have been accustomed to their calming presence, you find it difficult to relax and settle into bed without them.
In this situation, you might find your routine scattered and restless when you get in bed. Depending on the amount of time your partner is away, you will need to develop a sleep routine if you want to overcome this issue for any length of time.
Cuddling and being in the same bed with your partner releases hormones that improve our mood, make us happy and relaxed, and help us sleep better.
That feeling comes when your body releases oxytocin and serotonin. Serotonin is converted into melatonin, the sleep hormone, which helps you fall asleep and stay asleep.
Falling asleep without your partner may feel unfamiliar because these hormones aren’t released.
Emotions have a powerful effect on my sleep patterns. One or two sleepless nights from excitement are possible, but grief differs.
Losing a loved one through a breakup or death causes isolation, which understandably wrecks your ability to sleep. In this instance, time will be the only thing that can put you back into a normal routine.
Here are a few tips that can help you sleep better by yourself:
A body pillow is designed to simulate the feeling and warmth of your significant other on the same bed as you.
Although a body pillow cannot snuggle back against you, it helps fill the lonely space on the other side of the bed.
An ideal body pillow is a perfect comforter to ease you into a good night’s rest. It is live-size and fluffy.
If you regularly snuggle and cuddle with your partner as you sleep, a body pillow will comfort you and help you sleep better.
A simple call may ease your sleeplessness if you are in a long-distance relationship. When my boyfriend had to move away, geographic time differences prevented us from managing the same bedtime routine.
It caused many sleepless nights, so I began a new routine of speaking to him on the phone at bedtime. Speaking with your partner just before bed can help your body to relax and release the right hormones. These hormones will prepare your body for a night of deep sleep.
Studies show that smelling your partner’s scent improves sleep quality, similar to how melatonin affects sleep. It might sound silly, but there is something to it.
When I miss my husband, I sleep in one of his sweaters. When you do this, you can trick your brain into thinking that person is around, and you get access to melatonin, the sleep hormone, for a restful night.
You can also try a light spray of their perfume on your bedding or use unwashed clothing that smells like them. Their smell will help you relax like they were there and set you in the right tone for sleep.
The room temperature dropped slightly when my husband wasn’t home for the night. The extra cold was because I lacked the average temperature I was so used to. In this situation, a weighted
Weighted blankets are typically made of soft, high end breathable cotton material to provide comfort. They are weighted which provides a calming feeling and can mimic a person’s pressure of being hugged. Similar to what babies feel when they are in the womb, perhaps this is why they can work for adults as well.
They also have the perfect material to regulate the temperature around you and create all the warmth you need to put you right to bed. If you haven’t ever tried one, they can be a game changer.
Sleep music and meditation have been proven to help adults sleep better. Using a calming meditation app or listening to relaxing music will make you fall asleep faster and longer. The music should be comforting and calming, obviously and not something you end up paying attention to.
These calm and relaxing music sounds along with a guided meditation app will stop your mind from overthinking and drown out other distracting sounds that can keep you from staying asleep.
If you cannot quiet your thoughts before bed, use white noise to block loud disruptions. Sound machines produce sounds that have equal intensity in the audible range, called white noise.
White noise is necessary noise, to block out noise disruptions at bedtime. Some white noise has a higher frequency range than others and can be annoying. Select one that comforts and calms your thoughts when picking your sound or white noise machine.
When I started adjusting to sleeping alone, I would take a glass or two of red wine after dinner. That was great to put me in the mood and make me fall asleep, but I would wake up feeling like a trainwreck. I read up on how herbal tea helps you relax and is a sleep stimulant.
I began drinking lavender tea before bed, fell asleep faster, and had an uninterrupted night of sleep. It is a good idea to take out the wine from your bedtime routine and avoid smoking or taking any stimulants in the evening. These are typically bandaid solutions that are detrimental to your health and won’t help you in the long run.
Instead, replace these with healthy herbal tea to help you relax and prepare your body for the needed sleep.
Having a long bath before bed gives you the time to process your thoughts, and you get into bed with an easy mind prepared to take a nice bath. The warmth of the water also stimulates and releases serotonin and melatonin hormones that help you feel relaxed and happy and fall asleep.
Even a shower can have the same desirable effects and set you right for bed. Other activities like meditation and yoga help the mind to release thoughts and help the body to relax in preparation for sleep.
The comfort and security of having someone by your side can be hard to replicate alone, but remember that it is possible to learn to sleep alone and find ways to create a comfortable and safe sleeping environment.
By practicing good sleep hygiene and implementing strategies like the above, you can overcome your fear of sleeping alone and enjoy a restful night’s sleep. Ultimately, your sleep preferences are unique, and it is up to you to find the best strategies for them.
Not being able to sleep without your partner could indicate a much deeper issue, most of which has been explored in this post.
Each scenario can reduce the quality of your sleep and potentially be causing you a ton of issues. Everything from stress, anxiety, mood swings, sleepiness during the day, and distractions that can affect your daily life.
Sometimes, it is caused by medical conditions or lifestyle changes. In each case, I’ve found these actions to be the best possible solutions to address the issues, including
By addressing the underlying causes of sleep disturbances, you can improve your sleep quality whether your partner is around or not. It’s important to prioritize sleep and seek help if you’re experiencing ongoing or severe sleep disturbances.