Cheating is a dealbreaker for many in relationships as it is the ultimate betrayal of a partner’s trust. Even those who aren’t naturally jealous people get scared of the possibility of cheating in their relationship. That’s why dreaming of cheating, or being cheated on, can make anyone feel immensely uncomfortable.
Many have their thoughts and theories on what dreams are, but we know that dreams are a product of your subconscious. They are involuntary and come to you without the control of your conscious mind. As such, they bring to the surface many things you feel but are not actively on your mind.
However, there’s no need to panic. Your dreams are not reality; just because something happened in a dream doesn’t mean it has to happen in real life. If you have dreams about cheating or being cheated on, there are a few things your subconscious might be trying to tell you.
Why Do You Have Dreams of Your Partner Cheating?
Dreams can be very vivid, and waking up next to your partner after having a dream about them cheating on you can be tough. You are left feeling betrayed and upset, but also irrational as it was just a dream, and you shouldn’t take that out on them.
Such a situation can be pretty frustrating, and here are a few reasons why you keep having these dreams:
Everyone has insecurities, and these grow even more potent in a great relationship. If you feel like your partner is fantastic, and find yourself struggling to believe how they ‘settled’ for you, then you might have dreams like this.
These insecurities might also not be about yourself but about the strength of your relationship. For example, you might get such dreams if you feel like your relationship is on the rocks or you and your partner have been drifting apart.
Your subconscious takes your fears and insecurities and balloons them into the horrible idea of your partner cheating due to not being satisfied.
2. Hauntings of the Past
If you have been cheated on before by your current partner or even a previous one, those wounds are hard to heal.
If it was your current partner who cheated, then you might be struggling with rebuilding your trust. It is tough to get over such hurt, even when your partner has been doing their best. So it makes sense that the memories would haunt you in your dreams.
If your ex cheated on you, you might be scared of the same thing happening with your current partner. Even if your current partner is perfect and reassures you, the fears left in your subconscious can torture you with such dreams.
3. A Third Wheel
If there is someone or something in your relationship that you have begun to feel is stealing your partner’s time and affection from you, it might be the reason for your dreams. It can be a friend, a coworker, a dog, or even their job.
If you have begun to feel lonely or rejected in your relationship, those feelings of neglect can form dreams of cheating.
4. Abandonment Issues
If you are someone with a fear of being abandoned, either from childhood trauma or past experiences, then those fears can make you dream of your partner cheating. It is because you fear they will leave you for someone else, essentially abandoning you like you have been abandoned before.
If your relationship with your partner is not defined, it can cause you to have dreams of them with other people. Since you are unsure where you stand with them or what your relationship is, you harbor fears that they might have someone else and are not truly yours. When no promises of commitment have been made, you fear they are still exploring other options.
If you have been unfaithful to your partner, then that guilt can express itself in dreams of them doing to you what you are doing to them. This can also happen if you are keeping big secrets from your partner.
7. Signs of Infidelity
You may have been noticing signs of infidelity in your partner but have been ignoring them. Perhaps you have noticed them spending more time on their phone and being more careful where they leave it. Perhaps they have changed their schedule and go out at odd hours. Your conscious mind might give excuses and choose to overlook such things to protect yourself, but such decisions do not hold your subconscious. Your suspicions can come to you as dreams, and in such cases, you might be right.
How to Stop Having Dreams About Your Partner Cheating
Although your subconscious mind does not listen to orders from your conscious mind, there are still ways that you can stop such annoying dreams. Some of them are:
- Going to therapy to resolve past trauma and insecurities
- Going to couple’s counseling to resolve any issues that could contribute to your dreams
- Talking to your partner about the issues such as uncertainty and jealousy
- Reducing the stress in your life with meditation or other relievers
- Focusing on other things such as hobbies or platonic and familial relationships
- Investigating any suspicions of cheating that you might have.
Why Do You Have Dreams of Cheating on Your Partner?
Dreams about being unfaithful to your partner can leave you distraught and guilty, especially when you have never thought of yourself as the kind of person who would do such a thing. However, this does not necessarily mean that you subconsciously want to cheat on your partner.
There are many reasons why you might have had such a dream, and a few of them are:
This can stem from other things you have done that you feel guilty about. For example, if you have been dishonest to your partner in other ways or are keeping a secret, you may end up with dreams like that.
It might also not even be about your partner. If you have done something else that compromised your values as a person, then your guilt about that may have translated into dreams about being unfaithful. In this case, it represents you being unfaithful to yourself.
2. Split Attention
If you have been giving too much of your time and attention to something else and haven’t been hanging out with your partner, then that might be the reason you have such dreams. Deep down, while you have been busy, you are aware of the fact that you have been neglectful of your partner.
Your subconscious can take that knowledge and present it as a cheating dream where the side piece, in this case, would represent the thing taking up your time.
3. Past Cheating
If you have cheated on someone in the past, you could dream about doing it again. Even if you have been faithful in your current relationship and have no wishes to be unfaithful, your past mistakes can still haunt you.
You can have cheating dreams if you feel something is missing from your relationship. Your dissatisfaction doesn’t really mean that you want to cheat on them, but your subconscious can translate it that way. It reflects the idea of you being forced to search for the thing that is missing elsewhere instead of with your partner.
It might also represent dissatisfaction with your current life and the feeling that you have cheated yourself out of certain things. For example, if you had plans that you forsook or dreams that you let die, the dissatisfaction you feel at having not pursued them can manifest as cheating dreams.
5. Harmless Crush
Your ability to be attracted to other people does not disappear just because you are in a relationship. A crush could form if you are exposed to someone who ticks certain boxes for you. It could be someone you saw in a show, on the street, or even your coworker.
You still have the ability to form small crushes, and they are all harmless as long as you’re not acting on them. Even when they find their way to your dreams.
6. Dissatisfactory Sex
You can love your partner, and have no plans to step out on them, but if you are not satisfied with them in bed, you can have a cheating dream. Your subconscious can act on that dissatisfaction even if you don’t. It can be the positions, location, or general kink style that you are unsatisfied with.
It is only a dream and not the real thing, but your subconscious will usually reflect what it is you wish you had in reality in such dreams.
7. Unfaithful Parent
The saying that ‘the apple does not fall far from the tree’ can be haunting to many. If you had a parent who cheated, your cheating dreams might be a manifestation of your fear that you will end up like them. Of course, you might be disgusted by their actions and maybe even vehemently oppose any similarity to them.
Your conscious mind might be sure that you are nothing like them, but your fears lie in your subconscious. So your cheating dreams may just be a reflection of those fears.
How to Stop Dreaming About Cheating on Your Partner
You can stop the guilt and suffering your subconscious puts you through with dreams where you’re cheating by:
- Talking to your partner about any dissatisfaction you might feel in your relationship and/or sex life
- Going to therapy to resolve past trauma relating to parents or own actions
- Deliberately spending more time with your partner and discussing your neglectful behavior apologetically
- Finding new dreams to fulfill or getting back on track to fulfilling those you have abandoned.
- Validating your partner and reminding yourself each day of the reasons why you love them.
Why You Shouldn’t Ignore Dreams About Cheating
‘It’s just a dream,’ you might say, ‘Why does it matter?’ Well, your dreams certainly matter, especially when they are about something as serious as cheating. It doesn’t matter if you are the one cheating in your dreams or if your partner is cheating on you. You should’t ignore it because, in both cases, your subconscious is trying to say something to you.
The subconscious mind is subtle in comparison to the conscious mind, but its subtlety isn’t a weakness. On the contrary, it’s s actually quite powerful. Sometimes, even more so than your conscious mind. If you ignore the warning signs it gives you when what is in your subconscious comes out, it can be disastrous.
You could choose to ignore your dreams about your partner cheating, only to one day blow up in their face irrationally as a result of your own insecurities and issues. It can be even worse if you have been ignoring signs of cheating, and it turns out to be true that you are being cheated on.
Ignoring your dreams of cheating on your partner could also have awful consequences, such as actually cheating in reality or unnecessary mental strain on yourself from the unsettling dreams. For example, you could lose the relationship altogether in the worst-case scenario.
You should always address these dreams by talking with your partner, going to therapy or counseling, and making other changes to your lifestyle that could relieve the root causes.
Even if ignoring the dreams seems to work, and the dreams stop, remember that the root causes of the dream remain. Even though the dreams are gone, the root causes can still cause you problems.
Dreams about cheating can be harrowing, but they don’t have to mean doom for your relationship. There is a lot in your subconscious that could be causing you to have these dreams, and once you get those under control, you can be free of them. So take note of these tips to understand your cheating dreams and save your relationship today!
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